Sunday, 11 January 2009

Viz Stuff

We got one article and a couple of letters in this month’s issue.

The article was ‘Where are they now?’ and the letters were:

Following George Bush’s hostile reception at a press conference in Iraq - where he had someone’s shoe chucked at him - The Metro reported that the throwing of such an item is a sign of contempt in Iraqi culture. Surely taking off your shoes and throwing them at someone’s head doesn’t have positive connotations in any culture?

It was nice to see Culture Secretary Andy Burnham raising the issue of Laura White’s controversial departure from X Factor in the Commons this week. Sorry did I say nice? I meant fucking ridiculous.

There are signs on my local train service which say, ‘in an emergency -break glass’ I would have thought an emergency situation could only be made worse by such a thing.

And here are the ones that didn’t make it:

 I recently saw the headline: “Holy See not in favour of death penalty for gays, Vatican spokesman clarifies” That’s good of them.
 That ‘Here Comes the Girls’ song doesn’t get used on enough adverts and shows. I only heard it 9 times in 1 hour of TV viewing last night, hardly the level I have come to expect over the past months.
 TV Executives. If the lines don’t open until the end of the show, but calling means you may still be charged, or equally if the voting lines are closed, and calling means your vote won’t count but you may still be charged, then may I suggest not flashing the phone number on the screen at either of these junctures?
 Having just seen the line up for this year, I think Guess the Celebrities Dancing on Ice would be a better title.
 People often apply the idiom ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ to people who compare their situation unfavourably with that of others. But in my case it’s more literal. My neighbour has a lovely lawn, whereas I just have a patio and some decking.
 I got lost driving from London to Blyth recently. By ‘got lost‘ I of course mean ‘followed the instructions of AA Routefinder to the letter‘.
 As someone who enjoys a bit of poetic justice, I was naturally very pleased to see Myleene Klass being brought in to replace that Hambleton-Jones woman on Ten Years Younger because the producers felt that she was getting on in years. Oh the beautiful irony of it all.
 I was shocked to see the police describe that child abusing Royal butler as an “excellent groomer” – he doesn’t deserve praise of any kind, especially not for that sort of thing.
 During his Christmas speech the Pope claimed that homosexuals were as much of a threat to the planet’s future as the destruction of the rainforests on the grounds that they don’t procreate. What he seems to forget, is that you could say the same thing about Popes…
 When it turned out that Scotland Yard’s terror expert was in fact a terrorist, everyone made a fuss about how the Police had embarrassed themselves. But to be fair to them, he was an expert…
 Do you keep mixing up Sonny and Cher with the Sunnis and Shias? Just remember these simple definitions. The former are an American husband and wife pop duo. The latter are two denominations of Islam who have been warring since the death of the Prophet Mohammed over which group has the rightful claim to his succession. See, easy!
 The thing that upsets me most about the Israel/Palestine conflict is the way they always drag Gazza into it. According to today’s news he sustained heavy bombing during a recent incursion. It seems unfair to take it out on him every time.
 Reality TV viewers. If you are prepared to waste your money in order to pointlessly further the temporary dancing career of a Holby City actor, you waive your right to complain that you have been ‘ripped off’ and ask for a refund when the voting system arses up. After all, it wouldn’t have been any less of a waste of money had your vote actually been registered.

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