Friday, 17 April 2009
Another blog repost.
This time it’s an email I received in error from the boyfriend of a friend of a friend.
As I am a paragon of kindness and mercy, I won’t name him:
Boys, Boys, Boys..... (It was at this point I knew something was up)
Many of us now spend much of our days in the company of girls and as I'm sure you'll all agree that's not a bad thing. (Said with a raised eyebrow I imagine. Yes sir, he’s a ladies’ man) However, many of us are neglecting the foundations of our youth and the building blocks for our survival - our mates.
I am of the personal opinion that we are neglecting each other, preferring instead to go to bed early, have chats about "our future" and watch "Legally Blonde" or other such girly trash. This trend has to be disrupted before it becomes a way of life. Too long have we watched the female of the species organise our lives as well as their own. They want to go wherever we go yet also insist on exclusive "girl’s only sessions". (I don’t know about you, but I can totally picture him giving this speech on horseback, a la William Wallace in Braveheart)
Pink Soc excludes boys and I ask myself "Why do we not have boy’s nights out and boy’s only events without the burden of girls?" (Is that a rhetorical question?…)
I'll tell you why (Ah, no it’s not. So, pray, why is it?)
We're lazy, apathetic and lackadaisical and we need to do something about it. (Amen to that! Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re not getting swept up by this inspirational homily)
Surely we want to spend time together away from the girls...being men! (Grrr. Men.)
So here's the meat, we create a boy's club - we don't have to call it "Blue Soc" - it's too closely related to the girl’s club and we don't want to give them the impression we're following suit. (Even if you totally are)
I thought "The Yorkies" could work, "It's not for girls", granted it is corporate branding bull s*it but I like it all the same. (My favourite bit of the email hand’s down)
Obviously we will be democratic and won't bitch fight so any other good suggestions should be given consideration. I also propose a boys only event to kick things off and thought what could be more appropriate than playing little soldiers running around the woods with guns - let's go PAINTBALLING! (If this is what he’s like now, just imagine what his mid life crisis is going to look like)
Some of you may be thinking, "I can't be arsed" (Yes) "what is this bollocks?" (Quite) or worse (Worse? Intriguing) Well all I can say is "You're weak and under the thumb, pull yourself together!" (Zing!)
Let's go kick each other’s asses, get pissed together and do it fuelled 'only' by male testosterone. What do you all think? (Do you really want to know?)
First of all we set ground rules which must not be broken. Again these are open to modification and adjustment) (Actually I think this may be my favourite bit of the email…)
1. Girls can never be invited, however much they may whine or beg, the answer's "NO!" (We can’t come paintballing? Shame)
2. All activities are kept top secret. Girls can know we're doing something but not what it is. (Unless of course the boss man emails all the details to a girl, like a twat might)
3. When we meet we do not discuss or even mention girlfriends. Girls discuss boys when they get together but we shall not be following suit - remember we have our own agenda. (Agenda? That’s a grand term for what is ostensibly an excuse to go paintballing)
4. Nobody shall ever hold a grudge against another member for no definable reason whatsoever. (I love that rule) More to come... I can't think of any others yet. (Yeah, it’s probably too early in the day to suggest experimenting with gay sex. That’s where all this is heading, I can tell…)
So first of all I need to separate the girls from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, the strong from the weak...Who's in??? (I am! Although I don’t think I fit the criteria)
Finally I've e-mailed you because you're (a) male (Guess again) and (b) I know your e-mail address (Yes, although God knows how, I’d never spoken to him before, much less emailed) I don't, however, have a definite list for (b) and hence have not contacted everyone who should be contacted - whoever they may be. (I love how I got an email before people he actually knew, who were men!)
Provided the person fits category (a) and is a mutual friend of the group, not some random bloke off the street, (Or woman in this case) feel free to forward this e-mail on to all who may be interested in being part of the gang.
So, that was my favourite ever email. And before I sign off, this is my favourite ever sign (we’ve all got one).
I hope I never get caught up in an emergency situation on South Eastern Trains:
You’d have to make some tough choices eh…