Thursday, 29 April 2010

Ok, that’s just silly

I sometimes do paid market research, and as you’ll see from this previous blog entry on the subject, I don’t always approve of the questions I’m asked. Usually because they’re leading and biased. However today my exasperation is of a slightly different nature.

I just got asked to do a poll wherein I had to estimate the respective lengths of various MP’s penises.

To what end? I wish I knew.

So I was given a selection of sizes, and then asked to guess how much Brown, Cameron, Clegg, Darling, Cable and Osborne were packing, as well as Nick Griffin.

When I told James that he said, “If you guess he’s got a big one, does it make you racist?” Good point.

I should have marked him down, but unlike Nick Griffin I am very fair, and assigned them all the same, average size, which I believe is seven inches.

I don’t want to Google that to make sure; the search results don’t bear thinking about.

Anyway, after I had made my arbitrary penis size guesses I was then asked:

“Which is the most well-hung party?”
“Would you become more interested in politics if MPs had a big manhood?”
“Are you more likely to vote for a politician if you knew he was well-endowed in the trouser department?”

Surely anyone who answers yes to that last question should lose their right to vote?

I’m not sure what they plan to do with the ‘data’ gathered from this survey. Or why they're asking me.

Maybe they should just ask the politicians? Or better yet, get the main three to pull their pants down at tonight’s leaders debate. That would liven things up. Get the young people interested in politics!

In other, equally weird news, I did part two of my online Health and Safety module today. And I was confronted by this image:

I think the message is, don’t stand on office chairs.

Although I have a theory that the man in the picture is in fact about to hang himself.

Possibly because he’s been doing online Health and Safety modules for two days.

And finally, I’ve been trying to learn Japanese for the past year or so.

Observe how I go from subject to subject with such finesse.

Who needs logical narrative flow? Penises – Health and Safety – Japanese. That works.

Anyway, James got me a Japanese listening course for my birthday, which has been absolutely brilliant, but it is, at times, very geared towards Americans – probably because it’s an American course, yeah that would explain it.

So they’re teaching me phrases like, “I’m an American” and “How much is that in dollars?”. Which is fine. I just substitute Amerikajin for Igirisujin and so on.

I’ll stumble on to my point soon I promise...

Ah, here it is now! So today, they taught me something which upheld the stereotype of Americans being bad tourists.

The conversation went like this (it’s one-sided because the man taking the lessons just tells you the person’s reply in English, and you have to respond in Japanese):

“I would like to buy something, but I don’t have any you accept dollars?...well I have no yen...what are you going to do about it”

What are you going to do about it?

I expect in the next lesson they’ll teach me useful phrases to use during a fight with a disgruntled shopkeeper.


Supergreensunbear said...

Lmao, that's quite some survey!

Someone must have been confused when political correspondents were talking about how big a swing was needed by these members representing the largest parties.

Christina Martin said...

Fnarr fnarr! :)

Catie Wilkins said...

Oh my god that's brilliant!
I can't get over the man on the chair looking like he's about to hang himself! Fucking brilliant. It is a crime against nature that have quit comedy and are not writing sitcoms. That would be a brilliant scene!

I have no idea who that pervy survey is aimed at. Even if it's literally aimed at sex-workers, surely they would want some time off where they're not thinking about penises?

And finally, yes your next Japanese lesson is going to include the phrase 'Give me the fucking food or I'll cut you. It's Pearl Harbour all over again!'

Christina Martin said...

Welcome back from Roma Catie!

The images in that health and safety module were extraordinary. I didn't learn anything because I was always laughing too hard.

Re the pervy survey - I can't believe Ifailed to make a joke about a hung parliament! If I hadn't quit comedy already, I would do now - for shame!


Catie Wilkins said...

Nah, it's more classy that you didn't. Plus, pointing out that you refrained has the double benefit of showing you thought of it, and being deconstructively 'anti-comedy' - the more you try and keep away - the more comedy you are!