I suppose I'd better do one final blog in good old 2010 to round up the year and draw a line under it.
Then in futuristic 2011 I can start blogging again, in my silver jump suit, about all the new flying cars we will so obviously have in less than 12 hours time.
So, this year I found out that where I live "...nearly every aspect of their lifestyle is better than most other people’s in Britain": http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1341740/A-little-bit-paradise-Surrey-spot-tops-survey-best-places-live.html
Sorry losers!
I'm joking!
No I'm not. You're all peasants.
No I am. And the joke is on me. I do like it here (I just got the Elmbridge Lifestyle magazine through the door, and there's a feature in there about Rick Astley, so you can see why I would) but I think the figures may have been skewed somewhat by the people on millionaire's row just around the corner from me.
In order to work out what else has happened this year, I scrolled right down my Twitter feed - http://twitter.com/#!/christinamartin - to 1st January 2010. Here are the highlights (Warning: my idea of a highlight can differ from most other people's):
January
I quit stand-up after five long years http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/02/seikatsu-wa-tsuzuku-nani-mo-nakatta-you.html
I started learning Japanese. I can now speak it reasonably well and read all of the Kana. Yay me.
I got nominated by Olly and Helen for Web Jape of the Year http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/01/web-jape-of-year.html for my spoof Amazon reviews.
I got trapped in a snow induced, post-apocalyptic train situation:
http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/01/sit-down-sit-down.html
And I got put on a Twitter list of 'People looking for Madeline McCann' This was news to me.
February
The surge in support for the BNP was finally accounted for: http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/third_of_brits_think_Peter_Griffin_leads_BNP
I saw a toy on Amazon called My First Castle. Unless you're a baby prince, that is just going to set you up for a lifetime of disappointment.
I discovered a reality show called Tool Academy. Whereas in 'The Apprentice' you are dismissed with the words 'you're fired' in 'Tool Academy' they kick you out with the much more damning - 'you're just a tool'. Oh and this show also graced me with my TV quote of the year: The tools were given piglets to look after in a parenthood challenge. Over lunch one of them had a bacon sandwich and one of the tools said to him "How dare you eat bacon in the sight of your pig child"
And I also discovered geese clothes http://www.geeseclothes.com/
March
I saw the best ever episode of Jeremy Kyle: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/03/you-think.html
And during an episode of Most Haunted Live I watched Paul Ross interview a historian and ask, in all seriousness, if there was a dragon in the castle, and if the castle was the gateway to hell.
April
The (ongoing) Frankie Boyle controversy started http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/04/right-to-offend-continued.html (Since then I have been writing various blogs and articles about disablism in the media and comedy. I have been called a leftie and a Nazi. Not sure how it is possible to be both. Maybe I'm like Hitler, the College Years?)
I started working my way through Metacritic's Worst Movies list http://www.metacritic.com/browse/movies/score/metascore/all?sort=asc The things I've seen...
I learned that Kublai Khan invented the world's first 'chemical' weapon. It was made of excrement and ground down poisonous beetles.
I sold my soul to Gamestation. By accident.
On the way to work I saw a commuter on a fold-up bike angrily cut up a child on a trike.
And I did some weird, political, market research http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/04/ok-thats-just-silly.html
May
I saw a 40 year old guest on Jeremy Kyle complaining that his 16 year old girlfriend was 'childish'. Go figure.
'The Specials' won a Webby http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/05/good-week-good-week.html If you haven't seen the show - then DO!
My JustGiving page - raising money for the Canterbury Oast Trust - ended up raising £1205.
And in one of my favourite examples of the misuse of the word 'literally' a contestant on Britain's Got Talent said 'I'm literally speechless'. That is a sentence that it should not be possible to say. Literally.
June
My Comment is Free article on the R Word debate was published http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/libertycentral/2010/jun/01/disablist-language-retard
I received an email from the FBI entitled 'reply asap or else you will go to jail' Can you believe Hotmail sent that to my junk folder?
I saw a GHOST! http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-saw-ghost.html Ish.
And the artwork for my God Trumps was auctioned off for charity: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/06/going-once-going-twice.html
July
I saw a preacher on God TV declaring that God smells of antiseptic.
And 'Dating in the Dark' produced another contender for TV quote of the year: "I came into Dating in the Dark with shallow views and I still hold them dear" Well done you.
August
I saw another preacher on God TV explaining where the demons go when you slay a giant.
A picture of my brother won a MENCAP Snap award: http://www.mencap.org.uk/snap/snap_2010/big_pic.asp?ID=819&Prev=894
I was a 'trending topic' on Twitter one morning after my MP removed his details from the public domain and I complained: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/08/sorry-somethings-gone-wrong.html He's since put them back, but doesn't ever help if you ask him to do something. You can't have it all I guess.
And I heard a train guard on South West make the following announcement: "Interesting to note that 41 years ago today, Something in the Air was in the charts"
September
I was on 4Thought TV talking about religion and comedy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmSNKxIAFiY My estranged, religious relatives saw me and described it as "pure filth"
I glimpsed the Twitter user name of a man who spent an entire commute elbowing me and taking up half of my seat. This is him on a segway http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVpa9SDEEWM Good old internet stalking.
Whilst watching The Apprentice, James and I realised that we have the same phone as Lord Sugar's receptionist. We immediately took to picking it up, putting it down again and saying 'Lord Sugar will see you now'
And my brother's design was put on a Christmas card and sold for charity http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/09/charity-christmas-cards.html
October
We went to Japan!: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/10/japan-in-pictures.html
November
I saw the most disturbing TV show of the year http://www.channel4.com/programmes/my-fake-baby/episode-guide/series-1/episode-1
David Cameron tried to scam me:
http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/11/david-cameron-and-his-atm-card-scam.html
I got caught in the student siege of Millbank Tower: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/11/escape-from-millbank-tower_4667.html
And.........I got a job at MENCAP! Dream job, dream employer, high five everyone!
December
During the snow I counted fifteen instances of people calling in to LBC and saying in their best, smug voice: "So much for global warming" Er yeah, but what about climate change?
And finally, when Peter Simon was selling Jade Goody's perfumes one night on Bid TV he said "She'll be watching this right now, from up there" Yes, they get Bid TV in Heaven ladies and gentlemen. If you take one thing away from reading this blog, let it be that.
Whilst we're on the subject, here are some of Peter Simon's Bid TV quotes of the year:
"History is especially fascinating if you're someone like me and is fascinated by it"
"You can't go wrong at 9.99 for a designer French clock. There'll be many a person coming in to your room and going 'That's French'"
"They're very feminine, they're very chic, and these embezzle"
"DON'T CALL, THE PHONE LINES ARE CLOSED...I said that quite abruptly, I didn't mean that"
"It's a neckchain that's as timeless as time itself"
"This is a lot of coat"
"This is very Tiffany. It's very very Tiffany. It's elegant, it's exquisite, it's feminist"
"His mother, who was a Latvian cobbler for a fishing boat... It's a very sad story"
"Because I'm going to take you to my garden. At the end of my garden there's gnomes, gnomes that are solar panelled"
"Welcome to a wonderful bench"
"I've got to say: they're mystical cos they're owls"
"This has got all the effects to stop that anti-aging"
"Lucia, I need you to go to the dressing room to get my phone because I want to buy the pig"
"Can I just tell tell you we are LITERALLY giving this away. No! No! It's three pound each"
"For any man this is a man's man's watch"
HAPPY NEW YEAR! (that one was me)
Friday, 31 December 2010
Friday, 3 December 2010
Channel 4, what is your problem?
I used to love Channel 4.
When I was a teenager in the nineties, Friday nights in particular were filled with great show after great show.
Father Ted, Frasier, Kids in the Hall, Beavis and Butthead. It was the home of some really original comedy and was always very forward thinking.
What the hell happened?
I suppose things went downhill somewhere around the time they started giving over most of the summer schedule to Big Brother, a show with a huge nasty streak, which required minimal creative effort. They became lazy, and they ended up in the gutter.
Which explains why nowadays they dedicate most of their time to mocking the disabled.
You may recall a while back that Channel 4 refused to acknowledge the offensive nature of the word 'retard' when it was used in a very dodgy context by the equally dodgy Vinne Jones: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/05/ofcom-in-common-sense-shocker.html
It took a lot of complaints, and pressure from a national disability charity, to get a begrudging 'sorry'. A 'sorry' which meant absolutely nothing when you consider that at the time, they were developing a show with the working title 'Deal With it Retards'.
This show incidentally went on to become 'Tramadol Nights' starring, another lover of the disabled, Frankie 'isn't Downs Syndrome funny' Boyle.
I didn't watch 'Tramadol Nights' when it broadcast last week, but I did catch the programme after it, 'The Morgana Show'. And what do you know, the disabled were the butt of a (pointless) joke again.
Well actually not so much a 'joke', calling it a 'joke' gives it too much credit, as there was nothing to it apart from, 'look, this character is slow, ha ha ha'. Morgana needs to take a lesson from South Park. Disability can be tackled in comedy, but it requires wit.
Anyway, the character in question was called Gilbert:
And he popped up throughout the show, constantly failing to do things because he's slow.
The kicker this time, is that Channel 4 in addition to mocking the disabled, don't even have the guts to admit they're doing it. Bullies and cowards, wonderful.
My friend, Nicola Clark (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/28/disability-c4-ofcom-complaint) wrote to them to complain and got this response:
Thank you for your email.
Yes, I am aware that there has been a reaction on twitter to the character. We have also had positive reaction to the show in general and the character specifically. In fact, Gilbert is one of the show's most popular characters. At the recordings for the show, the audience reacted with great warmth to the character and there were absolutely no complaints at all.
I think it is important to point out that the way you describe Gilbert - a young man with learning disabilities - is not the way the comedian describes - or Channel 4 sees - the character.
Gilbert is one of Morgana's longest serving characters, she has performed him for many years. In a recent interview with the Radio Times she explains a bit more about how she came up with the idea for the character, the affection she feels for him and the way she, as the creator of the character, sees him.
That is not as a character with learning disabilities but as a well meaning and loveable little oddball who gets annoyed when he gets things wrong.
Gilbert is an affectionately drawn original character, not a mockery of someone with learning difficulties. The comedy comes from the character's childlike desire to get everything just right, and always falling short. It is neither Morgana's, nor Channel 4's intention to mock those with learning disabilities.
Pardon my French but - bullshit.
Gilbert started life on the TNT Show, in Gilbert's Special Report: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u_FVAzkycw
The 'special' in Special Report was an allusion to special needs, and Gilbert's fellow reporters both had disabilities. It was obvious!
Oh and just to eliminate any remaining doubts, the description of Gilbert's Special Report here: http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/tv/tnt_show/ says definitively: Gilbert and his crew (actors in real life) all have disabilities, but that doesn't stop them interviewing celebrities
I'm not sure what disabled people have done to piss Channel 4 off so much. Probably nothing, they're clearly just an easy target.
All of this begs the question; if Channel 4 hold the disabled in such contempt, why are they broadcasting the Special Olympics?
I can only think that they have mistakenly bought the rights thinking it's a comedy show. I wouldn't be surprised if they change the title from 'Special Olympics 2012' to 'Look at the Spastics Trying to Run'.
Channel 4, sort it out. Comedy should kick up, not down.
A recent study showed just how socially excluded disabled people are - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11139534 - they do not need the likes of Channel 4, Frankie Boyle and Morgana Robinsion adding to the ignorance and bullying they already face.
When I was a teenager in the nineties, Friday nights in particular were filled with great show after great show.
Father Ted, Frasier, Kids in the Hall, Beavis and Butthead. It was the home of some really original comedy and was always very forward thinking.
What the hell happened?
I suppose things went downhill somewhere around the time they started giving over most of the summer schedule to Big Brother, a show with a huge nasty streak, which required minimal creative effort. They became lazy, and they ended up in the gutter.
Which explains why nowadays they dedicate most of their time to mocking the disabled.
You may recall a while back that Channel 4 refused to acknowledge the offensive nature of the word 'retard' when it was used in a very dodgy context by the equally dodgy Vinne Jones: http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.com/2010/05/ofcom-in-common-sense-shocker.html
It took a lot of complaints, and pressure from a national disability charity, to get a begrudging 'sorry'. A 'sorry' which meant absolutely nothing when you consider that at the time, they were developing a show with the working title 'Deal With it Retards'.
This show incidentally went on to become 'Tramadol Nights' starring, another lover of the disabled, Frankie 'isn't Downs Syndrome funny' Boyle.
I didn't watch 'Tramadol Nights' when it broadcast last week, but I did catch the programme after it, 'The Morgana Show'. And what do you know, the disabled were the butt of a (pointless) joke again.
Well actually not so much a 'joke', calling it a 'joke' gives it too much credit, as there was nothing to it apart from, 'look, this character is slow, ha ha ha'. Morgana needs to take a lesson from South Park. Disability can be tackled in comedy, but it requires wit.
Anyway, the character in question was called Gilbert:
And he popped up throughout the show, constantly failing to do things because he's slow.
The kicker this time, is that Channel 4 in addition to mocking the disabled, don't even have the guts to admit they're doing it. Bullies and cowards, wonderful.
My friend, Nicola Clark (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/28/disability-c4-ofcom-complaint) wrote to them to complain and got this response:
Thank you for your email.
Yes, I am aware that there has been a reaction on twitter to the character. We have also had positive reaction to the show in general and the character specifically. In fact, Gilbert is one of the show's most popular characters. At the recordings for the show, the audience reacted with great warmth to the character and there were absolutely no complaints at all.
I think it is important to point out that the way you describe Gilbert - a young man with learning disabilities - is not the way the comedian describes - or Channel 4 sees - the character.
Gilbert is one of Morgana's longest serving characters, she has performed him for many years. In a recent interview with the Radio Times she explains a bit more about how she came up with the idea for the character, the affection she feels for him and the way she, as the creator of the character, sees him.
That is not as a character with learning disabilities but as a well meaning and loveable little oddball who gets annoyed when he gets things wrong.
Gilbert is an affectionately drawn original character, not a mockery of someone with learning difficulties. The comedy comes from the character's childlike desire to get everything just right, and always falling short. It is neither Morgana's, nor Channel 4's intention to mock those with learning disabilities.
Pardon my French but - bullshit.
Gilbert started life on the TNT Show, in Gilbert's Special Report: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u_FVAzkycw
The 'special' in Special Report was an allusion to special needs, and Gilbert's fellow reporters both had disabilities. It was obvious!
Oh and just to eliminate any remaining doubts, the description of Gilbert's Special Report here: http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/tv/tnt_show/ says definitively: Gilbert and his crew (actors in real life) all have disabilities, but that doesn't stop them interviewing celebrities
I'm not sure what disabled people have done to piss Channel 4 off so much. Probably nothing, they're clearly just an easy target.
All of this begs the question; if Channel 4 hold the disabled in such contempt, why are they broadcasting the Special Olympics?
I can only think that they have mistakenly bought the rights thinking it's a comedy show. I wouldn't be surprised if they change the title from 'Special Olympics 2012' to 'Look at the Spastics Trying to Run'.
Channel 4, sort it out. Comedy should kick up, not down.
A recent study showed just how socially excluded disabled people are - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11139534 - they do not need the likes of Channel 4, Frankie Boyle and Morgana Robinsion adding to the ignorance and bullying they already face.
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