Wednesday, 11 May 2016

The PWC Heels Thing

I am sitting in bed listening to Katie Hopkins covering the 'sent home for refusing to wear heels' story on her LBC show.

She has already said feminazis and vagenda.

But anyway, let's not talk about her, because that's what she wants.

Point is, all of this reminds me of a job I had in 2006 at a receptionist company called Office Concierge.

You had to wear heels, an air hostess-esque silk neck scarf, you had to put your hair in a bun and crucially you had to wear blusher and lipstick.

If you maintained an exceptional level of preening, you stood to win the Best Groomed Lady award at the Christmas party.

Yeah. Bit like Crufts but for human women.

I never won.

We all tried to duck the rules. With mixed degrees of success.

I saw one girl get manhandled once by a supervisor (yes, they sent people out to check) who caught her with her hair down and no lipstick.


The supervisor took an elastic band from that day's post and scraped her hair up quite painfully. Then she put lipstick on her.

And then David Mellor turned up at the desk and it was an awkward scene.

Made even more awkward by him demanding that I carry his bag upstairs for him.

His bag full of erectile dysfunction medication.

And there ends my anecdote.

Sunday, 1 May 2016

Ken Livingstone and Social Media Catharsis

It's been a long few days of tedium on the old social networks over the Ken I thought I'd add to it.

You're welcome.

Just be grateful I didn't call this an open letter.

Anyway, I've been seeing a fair few posts linking to articles showing the background that proves Ken was 'right' and factually correct, so there.

If I may.

I used to have a line manager who, upon discovering that I was learning Japanese, would lean on my desk every lunch time and talk to me about Japanese war rape. And their awful treatment of prisoners of war. "So much rape" he would say as he munched a sandwich and leered down at me.

Nobody thought that was fine and dandy when I posted about it on facebook.

Nobody reminded me that it was factually correct so chill yeah?

But it was. It was perfectly factually correct. And therefore he was well within his rights yes?


If I had gone to HR he would have been in trouble because it is a fucked up thing to talk about in a professional context. It is inflammatory and heavy handed and most of all pointless.

Rattling off factual examples, bringing along a history book, or an effing Oxford historian for that matter; none of that would have helped his case.

It would have been judged inappropriate and wrong and he would have got reprimanded.

Ken was shut down for "bringing the party into disrepute" which he undoubtedly did. Arguing the toss over the ins and outs of his actual comments, their technical correctness and whether or not that makes them anti-semitic misses that point. His behaviour was piss poor. Even people defending him on factual grounds have said that.

And be honest, if Cameron had said it, the internet would be awash with memes of him dressed as Hitler fucking a pig. Or unfunny newsthump articles entitled Mein Cam. And Canary pieces calling for his head. Oh and don't forget the 38 degrees petitions. Dozens of them.

I honestly can't envisage a fact finding expedition to seek out the document signed by German Zionists for the purposes of leaping to his defence.

Ken was defending someone who had made dodgy comments. Talking about moving Israel is dodgy ground because if denying Israel a right to exist is anti-semitic, you are entering that area of debate. No defence was needed. Shah admitted fault. Corbyn did what he had to do. The matter was closed. To defend the indefensible is bad enough, to do so by invoking Hitler is awful and frankly dumb.

Nick Griffin tweeted his agreement yesterday. And someone phoned LBC to stick up for Ken. Their opening gambit when they did this was "Firstly, I reject Judaism, it's a hideous religion" This debate is usually confined to the far right and if the far right are crawling out from under their rocks to join in on this one, then it must be a serious grey area.

To top it all off, a Sky reporter asked him on Saturday what point he was trying to make and he said "I can't remember"

Oh well, glad it was important enough to fill the headlines in the week running up to the elections. Whilst blaming the Blairites and saying Wes Streeting is dragging the story out...during your fifth media interview on the matter. Ignoring the fact that you defied and undermined your leader's decision to suspend Shah by publicly insisting she was right after the fact. Doing him more damage than any moderate rival. With friends like Ken, who needs enemies?

Maybe next time there's a debate on say, improving race relations, he could quote stats about black people committing more knife crime. Yes, it would derail the debate and put people's backs up, but the stats would be solid. And that's all that matters. Not context, not intent, not phrasing and not timing. Just facts. Who needs nuance and intelligence? Not Ken. And clearly not some of the people rushing to defend him at all costs.

Sunday, 17 April 2016

Jeremy Kyle Out of Context

Back in 2011 I noticed that Jeremy Kyle often spoke about his guest's problems and foibles very passionately in the first person, so that it sounded like he was speaking as himself.

Being the childish and childless person that I am, I had the requisite immaturity and acres of time required to watch the show as often as I could and record these clips.

After a while I had a handsome collection, so I started a Tumblr.

(My natural response to finding an amusing pattern or opportunity for a repetitious joke - see also Bullseye Contestants, Who Is Henry Kelly, Tweet of the Week, The Things We Leave Behind - Richard Herring once called my assortment of Tumblrs "life-wasting, but brilliant" which is basically what I want for my epitaph)

The Jeremy Kyle Out of Context Tumblr was a good format for this silliness but whilst the clips were amusing when listed, I kept thinking that they would work much better as one big back to back compilation.

And so, in 2016, 4 years after starting this nonsense, I sat down in front of YouTube Editor and spliced them. The result was everything I ever dreamed it would be. I give you, the Jeremy Kyle Out of Context Mega Mix:

Monday, 7 March 2016

Weird times

Woke up this morning to a weird anti-semitic meme being shared on my facebook wall, in the name of the left.

Then read about the investigation at Oxford University about the rise of anti-semitism in their Labour group due to Momentum kids getting carried away.

Posted it on Twitter and just got told off for citing the Telegraph, even though it was in the Guardian, Mail, Sun, Standard, Oxford Mail, Huff Post, New Statesman, BBC. Full spread. Cos it's news. It's a thing what happened. Events happening is not partisan. It's like getting annoyed at the weather report.

That's the best people seem to have nowadays.

"Here's some news"

"Ugh, I don't like your news source*. Rejected." *for news source read the information contained therein so I will use the source to reject that and focus on the politics of the paper you cited.

Even the Indy and Guardian. If they aren't saying the right thing they've gone all right wing all of a sudden.

Social media has taken a sour turn for me. I never had a problem before but now it's either be silent whilst loud ill informed dicks run the show or poke your head above the parapet and get harangued. Fun choice.

*hovers over the deactivate button*


After the initial cries of Torygraph, Torygraph someone else tweeted me later that day to say it was Guardian propaganda. Which just goes to show the power of personal bias. Is it evil righty lies or right on lefty rabble rousing? It sure as shit can't be both. I pointed out that whatever your politics it wasn't propaganda so much as something that had taken place. They changed tack and said that a couple of racists wasn't all of Momentum. So we've gone from "that's propaganda" to "well, it's true, but" in the space of two tweets. With the added irony of a parting shot to say that all of mainstream Labour was anti Islamic. Deep sigh. I'm not linking to this blog anywhere by the way. Just using it to dump my thoughts. A sort of semi silent scream if you will.

Sunday, 28 February 2016

New Politics. New Tumblr

The people who brought you Bullseye Contestants present a new Tumblr to celebrate the New Politics.

The one which is primarily based on sharing awful memes with like minded Facebook friends whilst the Tories carry on largely unopposed.

How can it fail to fail?

We will be mostly making them up but will be chucking in some bonus real ones, which are no worse than our fictional creations.

Up the Facebook group revolution!

Thursday, 25 February 2016

The Revolution Will be Meme-ified.

There's always been a lot to hate about Facebook.

People constantly posting kiddie pics, dinner snaps, homespun philosophy, telling you why they are 'feeling blessed'

But the most tedious aspect of logging on these days, is the ever present weak political meme delivered to your wall courtesy of someone who has liked or shared it.

By political meme I of course mean, Corbyn meme, which are very prolific because his broad simplistic statements play well in a short format.

They are generated by various Facebook groups. Usually with highly ambitious names like 'Jeremy Corbyn Will be Prime Minister' or 'Jeremy Corbyn Leads Us to 2020 Victory'

This morning's meme came courtesy of 'We Support Jeremy Corbyn' which actually has a Meme of the Week feature. True politics in action there.

But it's not just the sixth-former-who-just-discovered-socialism tone of these memes that annoys, like this one for example...

...rather it's the hypocrisy of this barrage of constant ineffectual preaching (to the choir of course, given the group names) whilst more important matters are more or less ignored in the din.

There was absolute uproar today about Cameron's suit jibe. Links to articles, soapbox posts where people did mini speeches about the state of politics. They were ruddy bloody furious.

Zero noise about the ESA cuts that were voted through this week though. Not a peep from these self proclaimed politicos. Who through their love of Corbyn position themselves as people who are supposed to care about this kind of thing. Social justice and all that.

A £30 a week reduction in money for the sick and disabled. A move that the Lords actually turned back for reconsideration so it must have been bad yeah? Pushed back through by 27 votes.

In addition to not reacting to this news, nobody gave a fuck in the run up either. Too busy posting about heckling during the EU debate. Always with the big issues. Someone being rude to daddy, sorry Jeremy. Freudian slip.

I posted a last ditch Mencap e-action on Facebook in the days leading up to the vote, asking people to get their MP to attend. Votes were crucial.

One like. One.

That e-action could have actually achieved real change. It could have tipped the balance.

And now people who are too ill to work face poverty.

But the rage is all reserved for Cameron saying Jeremy had a shit suit.

Yes, that's poor form, but he called Ed Miliband Gromit remember? That was pretty low. But it's not new. It's pathetic to be sure, but it's not new.

Disraeli was slamming Gladstone from across the benches back in the 1800s. Saying it would be best if he fell in the Thames and drowned. Poor old Gladstone never got any supportive memes.

I don't remember anyone giving much of a shit about MP heckling and rudeness before. It's seemingly just because it's Jeremy.

He's a big boy. Stop seeking to protect him like he's a wounded kitten or a disabled child and start trying to protect some actual disabled children instead. Take an interest in politics, not Corbyn, politics. Write to your MP, take actions, keep an eye on debates, attend a few. Or just make a meme and share it with your like minded friends and then all agree that you agree with each other.

Here's my contribution to the genre, enjoy:

Monday, 22 February 2016


Many blogs and articles will be written in the run up to June 23rd, so I won't bore you with more words. All you really need is this picture: