Sunday, 17 April 2016

Jeremy Kyle Out of Context

Back in 2011 I noticed that Jeremy Kyle often spoke about his guest's problems and foibles very passionately in the first person, so that it sounded like he was speaking as himself.

Being the childish and childless person that I am, I had the requisite immaturity and acres of time required to watch the show as often as I could and record these clips.

After a while I had a handsome collection, so I started a Tumblr.

(My natural response to finding an amusing pattern or opportunity for a repetitious joke - see also Bullseye Contestants, Who Is Henry Kelly, Tweet of the Week, The Things We Leave Behind - Richard Herring once called my assortment of Tumblrs "life-wasting, but brilliant" which is basically what I want for my epitaph)

The Jeremy Kyle Out of Context Tumblr was a good format for this silliness but whilst the clips were amusing when listed, I kept thinking that they would work much better as one big back to back compilation.

And so, in 2016, 4 years after starting this nonsense, I sat down in front of YouTube Editor and spliced them. The result was everything I ever dreamed it would be. I give you, the Jeremy Kyle Out of Context Mega Mix:

Monday, 7 March 2016

Weird times

Woke up this morning to a weird anti-semitic meme being shared on my facebook wall, in the name of the left.

Then read about the investigation at Oxford University about the rise of anti-semitism in their Labour group due to Momentum kids getting carried away.

Posted it on Twitter and just got told off for citing the Telegraph, even though it was in the Guardian, Mail, Sun, Standard, Oxford Mail, Huff Post, New Statesman, BBC. Full spread. Cos it's news. It's a thing what happened. Events happening is not partisan. It's like getting annoyed at the weather report.

That's the best people seem to have nowadays.

"Here's some news"

"Ugh, I don't like your news source*. Rejected." *for news source read the information contained therein so I will use the source to reject that and focus on the politics of the paper you cited.

Even the Indy and Guardian. If they aren't saying the right thing they've gone all right wing all of a sudden.

Social media has taken a sour turn for me. I never had a problem before but now it's either be silent whilst loud ill informed dicks run the show or poke your head above the parapet and get harangued. Fun choice.

*hovers over the deactivate button*


After the initial cries of Torygraph, Torygraph someone else tweeted me later that day to say it was Guardian propaganda. Which just goes to show the power of personal bias. Is it evil righty lies or right on lefty rabble rousing? It sure as shit can't be both. I pointed out that whatever your politics it wasn't propaganda so much as something that had taken place. They changed tack and said that a couple of racists wasn't all of Momentum. So we've gone from "that's propaganda" to "well, it's true, but" in the space of two tweets. With the added irony of a parting shot to say that all of mainstream Labour was anti Islamic. Deep sigh. I'm not linking to this blog anywhere by the way. Just using it to dump my thoughts. A sort of semi silent scream if you will.

Sunday, 28 February 2016

New Politics. New Tumblr

The people who brought you Bullseye Contestants present a new Tumblr to celebrate the New Politics.

The one which is primarily based on sharing awful memes with like minded Facebook friends whilst the Tories carry on largely unopposed.

How can it fail to fail?

We will be mostly making them up but will be chucking in some bonus real ones, which are no worse than our fictional creations.

Up the Facebook group revolution!

Thursday, 25 February 2016

The Revolution Will be Meme-ified.

There's always been a lot to hate about Facebook.

People constantly posting kiddie pics, dinner snaps, homespun philosophy, telling you why they are 'feeling blessed'

But the most tedious aspect of logging on these days, is the ever present weak political meme delivered to your wall courtesy of someone who has liked or shared it.

By political meme I of course mean, Corbyn meme, which are very prolific because his broad simplistic statements play well in a short format.

They are generated by various Facebook groups. Usually with highly ambitious names like 'Jeremy Corbyn Will be Prime Minister' or 'Jeremy Corbyn Leads Us to 2020 Victory'

This morning's meme came courtesy of 'We Support Jeremy Corbyn' which actually has a Meme of the Week feature. True politics in action there.

But it's not just the sixth-former-who-just-discovered-socialism tone of these memes that annoys, like this one for example...

...rather it's the hypocrisy of this barrage of constant ineffectual preaching (to the choir of course, given the group names) whilst more important matters are more or less ignored in the din.

There was absolute uproar today about Cameron's suit jibe. Links to articles, soapbox posts where people did mini speeches about the state of politics. They were ruddy bloody furious.

Zero noise about the ESA cuts that were voted through this week though. Not a peep from these self proclaimed politicos. Who through their love of Corbyn position themselves as people who are supposed to care about this kind of thing. Social justice and all that.

A £30 a week reduction in money for the sick and disabled. A move that the Lords actually turned back for reconsideration so it must have been bad yeah? Pushed back through by 27 votes.

In addition to not reacting to this news, nobody gave a fuck in the run up either. Too busy posting about heckling during the EU debate. Always with the big issues. Someone being rude to daddy, sorry Jeremy. Freudian slip.

I posted a last ditch Mencap e-action on Facebook in the days leading up to the vote, asking people to get their MP to attend. Votes were crucial.

One like. One.

That e-action could have actually achieved real change. It could have tipped the balance.

And now people who are too ill to work face poverty.

But the rage is all reserved for Cameron saying Jeremy had a shit suit.

Yes, that's poor form, but he called Ed Miliband Gromit remember? That was pretty low. But it's not new. It's pathetic to be sure, but it's not new.

Disraeli was slamming Gladstone from across the benches back in the 1800s. Saying it would be best if he fell in the Thames and drowned. Poor old Gladstone never got any supportive memes.

I don't remember anyone giving much of a shit about MP heckling and rudeness before. It's seemingly just because it's Jeremy.

He's a big boy. Stop seeking to protect him like he's a wounded kitten or a disabled child and start trying to protect some actual disabled children instead. Take an interest in politics, not Corbyn, politics. Write to your MP, take actions, keep an eye on debates, attend a few. Or just make a meme and share it with your like minded friends and then all agree that you agree with each other.

Here's my contribution to the genre, enjoy:

Monday, 22 February 2016


Many blogs and articles will be written in the run up to June 23rd, so I won't bore you with more words. All you really need is this picture:

Thursday, 4 February 2016

Premature Death Stats & Learning Disability

Learned of a worrying PQ recently regarding a new NHS Outcomes indicator for premature death in those with learning disabilities.

The indicator for premature death for NHS patients is 75.

What this means is that if people die under NHS care before the age of 75, it has to be counted as premature and it affects the NHS Outcomes stats. The stats are there to help the NHS strive to keep everyone alive until at least that age.

There was not previously an indicator for the learning disabled, because they are just people, so why would there be?

However, an inquiry found that the learning disabled die on average 15 years earlier than the rest of us. This inquiry, which flagged the stat as a *concern* has been used as a means of separating learning disabled people out from the general stats, lowering their premature death indicator to 60 - below that of cancer and diabetes sufferers - making it the norm and then, in all probability eventually championing creating an indicator and celebrating the twisted stats it produces.

Below is the text of the PQ raised in Parliament.

This has not been settled yet so there is still time to lobby it. Learning disabled people's lives matter. They should not be expected to die earlier with no effort made to improve their outcomes and worst of all, their reduced life spans celebrated in falsely glowing stats. Write to your MPs please:

Q Asked by Chris Heaton-Harris (Daventry)

Asked on: 21 January 2016

Department of Health

Learning Disability: Death 23638

To ask the Secretary of State for Health, for what reasons the age at which the death of people with learning disabilities is classified as premature has been set at 60 in the draft NHS Outcomes Framework.

A Answered by: Alistair Burt Answered on: 28 January 2016

The Department worked with Public Health England (PHE) and the confidential inquiry into premature deaths of people with learning disabilities (CIPOLD) team at the Norah Fry Centre, University of Bristol to define the learning disability mortality indicator in the NHS Outcomes Framework. The placeholder indicator was set at age 60 based on the findings of the CIPOLD at the time which identified the mean age of death in people with learning disability as 60 years old.

The Department, NHS England, PHE and the Norah Fry Centre are currently reviewing the definition of the indicator to establish if there is evidence to support it being redefined and to establish a robust and stable data source in order for the indicator to be reported and measured.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

I'm a little bit OCD

I’m a little bit OCD. Said everyone, ever.

As they share the results of a Buzzfeed quiz on their Facebook wall.

“It’s official; I didn’t like some pictures of things that were slightly misaligned and therefore cosmetically irksome. My diagnosis is in.”

Well I’m a little bit OCD too.

I’ve just finished cleaning underneath my blood stained fingernails following another attack of OCD related self-harm. Woop woop.

It’s a fun form of OCD called dermatillomania.

I pick at my lips until they bleed. My whole mouth tastes of blood. My hands are covered. Good times.

It runs completely counter to the very sane head that I feel like I have on my shoulders.

After each attack I am deeply annoyed at myself. It feels like it was another person that did it. I’ve slapped myself in the face at times.

It’s all preaching to the choir though. I don’t want to do it. I don’t need to be told off about it. I hate it. But I guess that’s why it’s classed as OCD. The compulsion is bigger than me.

The longest I have gone without doing it in over twenty years is one month and some change. The fact that such a piddling amount of time felt like some massive achievement says it all.

This is not the self-indulgent ramble it seems at first glance. I am putting this here so that I can start again today.

I’m cutting my nails and then proceeding one day at a time. It works for AA...

This post just gives me some sort of accountability. Or makes it real. Or something.

And it may also be seen by a fellow sufferer who might not realise it’s a condition and who accordingly might feel like less of a freak.

Day one. Let’s go.