Here's some more of my conversations with spammers that I dug out today. I'll post them in two's as they are quite long!
I am looking for your cooperation in building a Tourist Hotel or Real Estate in your country. I am sorry if this is not in line with your business. I need an experienced person like you to assist me to set up, develop the project and assume responsibility of ownership as chairman but will be bringing in profit /distribute profit monthly or annually. Your immediate reply will be highly appreciated and I shall give you more information on this project. You can get back to me through my private e-mail box: firstname.lastname@example.org
I would be delighted to help.
But first you must write me a poem about how great I am.
It doesn't have to be long - only a few lines.
That way I will know you're serious.
Thanks for quick response to my mail.
Well am not so good in poem or singing.
Let me know if you are ready to be in this proposed project partnership.
Awaiting your acceptance, for us to move forward
Just a short poem. 3 lines or so.
I sing a love song
to the world
to the world that suffers
prejudice, hate and war.
Can we move forward now? Idris
That's lovely but it's not what I asked for.
I wanted a poem about how great I am.
Once you have obliged we will move forward.
Am a not here for a child play.
If you want to be in partnership with me, get back to me and let me know how seriuos you are.
Am here for a bussiness not a joke?
I am deadly serious, but it seems you on the other hand are not.
I asked for a poem about how great I am. I got a poem about the state of the world.
That was not the agreement.
Once you have furnished me with a poem about how great I am - only 3 or 4 lines -then we can proceed.
A man that gave his best in life.
He is one to look up to.
He is one that always had a hand to...
Can we move forward? Forward to me your Phone Number. Adeyemo
Bravo! Bravo! That was lovely.
It didn't rhyme and was total cack. But other than that, absolutely lovely.
I couldn’t enjoy it properly because it was so begrudgingly done. That for me tarnished the overall sentiment. But at least you did it. See, it wasn't so hard now was it?
I love you now. I think I might want to marry you.
Am a ( SENATOR ) a present serving senator here in my country and a member of contract award committe.
With due respect, am not contacting you for a child play or anything else than Bussiness?
I take my time before doing anything. if you want to procced let me know.
Am not a Woman?
Now you're just showing off - Ooh, I'm a senator, ooh, get me!
I know you're not a woman, I'd still marry you though. Or at least kiss you.
Are we still in Bussiness?
Happy weekend to you too.
Of course we are. Just say the word.
I propose we open a pig farm. What do you say?
Let me know the modalities involved.
And forward to me your mobile line.
I am glad you are on board. Our pig farm is bound to be a huge success.
I have done a lot of research which I shall present to you now. Imagine we are in a board room and I am pointing a stick at a slide presentation of the following information:
Traditionally, pigs were kept as an adjunct to the cropping enterprise and used to add value to corn when corn prices were down. Very little effort was spent to improve the genetic base, optimize productivity, or to foster consumer acceptance of pork as a commodity in its own right.
As producers began to realize that inputs to the swine enterprise led to significant returns, it began to grow in importance as a profit center and in the marketplace for food. Rapid gains were made in productivity as management inputs were fine-tuned.
I say we order up one of these Pig Farming Business Plans and get going right away:
I don't have a mobile phone. How about you meet me for cocktails?
I have contacting my attorney regarding this new propossed partnership project.
I will want you to forward me a copy of your international passport or drivers lincence for identification this will enable me know , whom i am dealing with to enable us proceeds.
Thanks for your time.
No. I really think we should meet. Check out some pigs...
He stopped replying…
Dearest in heart
I am quite convinced of the fact that this will come to you as a surprise. however I am writing based on the privilege information I gathered about you in internet during my extensive search.
I am Aicha MOMODU Personal Secretary to Pastor Bangura Tambi, the Founder and the General Overseer of Christain Pentecostal Ministries Khartoum, Sudan.
During the upsurge (Civil and Military Unrest) in sudan, which led to the death of Pastor Bangura Tambi, and precisely on the 27th of June,2005,some military personnel identified as REBELS, came into our church for refuge when the goverment led forces took over their locations in some parts of the city Khartoum, with a box classified as containing Military gadgets for safe keep.Upon enquiry, one of the REBELS who were about seven in number intimated me of the actual content of the box to be money worth us$5.7m which they said was money gave to them by the Arab Union to over take the southern Sundan. They left after two days being on the 29th of june,2005 and never came back to me again.
With the almost complete control of Sudan, by the Government led forces anchored on the African Union, United Nations and the batallion of soldiers from Ecowas, lots of people were transported by military escort to the United Nations Refugee Camp in Darfur, Sudan.
By zoning, I was lifted back to Lome-Togo Ecowas refugee headquarters with all the church belongings. Upon confirmation of the content of the box, I decided to deposit the box at a private security company for safe keep on the 25th of july,2005 under the coverage of church materials for security reasons.
Since am out of camp I need your assistance to meet with me here immediately to enable both of us visit the security company where this box is been lodged, use your influence to open a bank account with one of the first class prime bank here with your name, deposit the whole money and get it transferred to your chosen account abroad.
I cant do this on my own because I dont have bank account here or else where, Moreover, I dont have any business to cover this fund, that is why I needed your assistance. I am ready to offer you 40% of the total sum,50% for me while 10% will be set aside to off-set any expenditure incurred locally or internationally during the cause of this business.I deposited this consignment in the best security company in Lome-Togo and can be transferred to EUROPE/AMERICA on request.
Upon your response I shall forward you all the relevant deposit documents for your confirmation.
Awaiting your swift response.
What an amazing story!
The exact same thing happened to me.
But it wasn't military gadgets, it was haggis.
And it wasn't a war zone, it was a butcher's.
But it was scary.
I'll help you, but first you must answer me this: trombone or trumpet, which one?
Dearest in the Lord,
Many thanks for your replied mail.
I appreciate your willingness to help me and I promise you lots of mango once you arrived. Pls.remember you have to make it fast before the security company runs out of patient. Once again thank you for answering my question correctly.
Remain Blessed while I await your convenien time.
Still no word on whether you are a trombone man or a trumpet man?!?
I am not a trombone man neither am I a trumpet man, I am aicha momodu by name nothing else.
Hope I have answered your question.
Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.
You must have a preference.
I don't know if I can work with someone who doesn't have a preference in this matter.
Dearest in heart,
Decide on what? is let for you to decide when you will be comming or alternatively contracting an attorney to stand on your behalf and visit the security company for the claim should incase you still interested. After this claim we can now open an account or alternatively cargo the consignment to your destination through the security diplomatic agents.
You have to decide to enable us move forward.
Dearest in heart? If you like.
Is it the trombone or the trumpet which you like the most? This is your last chance.
Excellent, and why is this?
So sorry but needs financial help.
Do you mean to tell me that you just picked an answer at random?
That is dreadful behaviour.
You must know why!
No, I did not pick answer at rondom, it was trumpet I mean nothing else.
Pls.tell me what we need to do as time is not on my side.
Waiting your swift reply.
Explain why you like trumpets best....
I cant explain it.
Then how did you decide?
I decide because I know trumpet is what we need in this business.
We shall blew our trumpet this fund is claimed so trumpet is my only watch word.
Let us start this process and get things sorted out remember the demurrages is accumulating day by day.
Expecting your reliable response.
Thanks, Aicha Momodu
We got there in the end!
That's a very good explanation Aicha. Very good indeed!
So, moving on to my next question. Which do you like best out of sausages and bacon?
Am not ready to explain any further why because your not serious, many thanks for your wonderful time.
Oh Aicha, don't be like that!
How can you think that I am not serious?
What gave you that idea?
And seriously. Sausage or bacon, which one?
He stopped replying...